Sending Sara

Hey everyone,

I got up this one morning feeling rather down. Sara, the youngest of my four children is soon leaving us. She's got an offer to further her studies in science at one matriculation college in Kuala Pilah. A little town not too far away from where I live now.
For my readers abroad, matriculation is some sort of preparatory college opened to those who did well in their Science and Accounting exam. They will have to be in this prep college for one year. Upon receiving an excellent result (usually 3.5 ~ 4 GPA), they will then be automatically qualified to enroll for any universities in Malaysia.

Remember when Sophie left for the U.S trip in 2012? I was still under chemotherapy treatment then for my cancer. I had a mixed and jumbled emotion about letting her go. I was afraid if my time had come then, I wouldn't be able to see her for the last time. There's no word to explain how I really felt back then but I still let her go because I wanted her to live her life to the fullest.

Now I am about to go through the same ordeal again. She was our little Miss Perfect. Everything has to be done in proper manner. She doesn't swear or curse. She doesn't use foul language. She'd discreetly put me back in my track if she thinks I am exaggerating my story. It was annoying at times when she did that but I am beginning to realize after reading somewhere about people who is good in mathematics. They tend to be accurate, exact and had to do things according to it's conformity. Simply put, she's a no nonsense person. One look at her trait, one is forgiven to think that she's a boring person. Contrary to that, she can be a real funny and witty person. She is terribly good at impersonating people and she would crack a joke at the least expected moment.

Come saturday (24th.May '14), we will be sending her to that matriculation college. Actually she got another offer at another university in Sabah, east of Malaysia. Not accessible by land, can only get there by flight. I left the choice to her. She was torn between the two colleges. Both were good but.. In the end she chose the matriculation college. Why? Because it is way closer to home than the other one.

We had our discussion before about her future, she was thinking of taking up medicine then. Now, she's in dilemma. She read somewhere, young and new doctors are in abundance in Malaysia. She sought my opinion on this matter. I told her I had some ideas about this but in the end it will be her call. She had to decide, it's her life.
After a long and hard thinking, she is now really keen into taking up forensic science. I was always intrigued with this profession all these while (too much of CSIs), so I am hundred percent behind her if she were to take up this course.  She's living my dream? You can say that but it's her choice.

A week prior to sending her was rather chaotic. We had to visit the bank for enrollment fees, we had to go to the post office for stamping purpose, we had to visit the cell phone company to check the availability for a portable wi-fi, we had to buy her necessities while there and the list goes on.

By the look on her face, she looked both excited and sad. Excited because this will be her first time away from home and being on her own, albeit living in a college dorm. Sad because she would be leaving us.
She would say to me, I am your other half, ma. Sob..sob..

Without realizing it, Saturday arrived. We set out ( Sara, her dad and I) at 0900hrs but arrived Kuala Pilah longer than expected. We got lost a couple of times. Since there were not too many hotels in that town and all were taken up due to this event, we opted to stay at a local homestay. I will post a little write up about  homestay in Malaysia in the next extry.
She was chirpy and bright on Saturday but when Sunday appeared, her previous enthusiasm evaporated. She was quiet and suddenly  didn't look eager anymore. We arrived at the college at 07:30am and we went straight to the registration venue set up by the college administration. She did her compulsory registration and by 08:40am, she was done. That was fast.  She was one of the first to complete the registration, most probably because she did everything online prior to arriving at the college.

Now the hard part. Since cars were not allowed to their respective dormitories, we had to carry her luggage by hand. Her dorm was situated a good ten minutes away from where the main building was. As if that's not enough, it's on the high ground. We had to climb a good flight of steps (I would say about 40 steep steps) with luggage and her other belongings on both hands. By the time we reached the top, I was out of breath. What? I am valid to use the word out of breath okay, since I am fifty one. You should see the rest of other people, didn't matter young or old, everybody was panting and puffing out air that probably make the plants cried, "stop the puffing, we were overloaded with carbon dioxide."

After getting the keys from the staff downstairs, we got to her pre-allocated room and bed, the first thing that came to my mind was no privacy. Four to a room and each 2 single beds were bind together. That's the first thing I did, I pulled it away. We did what had to be done quickly, afraid her about-to-be roommate will get there soon.
I went to take a look at the shared bathroom, it was old but considerably clean. The prayer room was next to her room. So does the ironing room. It's not home but it will work just fine. All I am worry about is her. She is too nice and too precise.

Now it's time to say goodbye. People everywhere. Thousands of students and parents flocked the college ground everywhere we turned our head to. We had to leave earlier since Sophie was in Kuala Lumpur attending the student exchange program and we had to fetch her on our way home.

I turned my head to the back seat and saw she was already crying. Seeing her in tears, brought tears to my eyes too. Both of us were already sobbing. I told her to be strong, it's only for a year.
 Meanwhile, my husband tried to find a quieter place to park but to no avail. Finally there's a little space barely enough for him to squeeze in the car and say our goodbyes. I got out of the car and went to the other side. Sara got out too. My heart broke a thousand pieces when I saw tears streaming down her cheeks uncontrollably. I can't let her go, I can't let her go... She looked so small and sad. I hugged her tightly and never wanted to leave her there alone. People passing were casting little glances towards us.
At last I force myself to pull away from her. We left her to start her new life at about one o'clock.

All the way back home, I felt hollow. It only took us about 3 hours to reach home. Later on Sophie called and said she's nearly home. I went to fetch her, she looked pale as she was having fever. Lucky thing I got some medication at home. She too was exhausted and missing her sister. We end up crying again thinking about her. We missed her terribly.

I told myself I had to be strong, for her sake and mine.
She would be alright there. It's just a matter of time.
Sara, we love you and missing you every minute of the day.
See you in a while, sweetheart!
With deepest love,Mama.

Rose
27th.May '14