Dearest my precious son, Soffian,
I have been missing you too much since the day your sisters and I moved to Selangor earlier last month. Between the four of you, I had to give an extra attention to you since the day you were born.
I am writing you this open letter today so that you'd know beyond doubt that you will always be in my heart, no matter what. It was never an easy job bringing you up but I still love you the same. I had never favoured any one of you more than the other. Sure, I loved your big brother more for his gentleness and for his concern of me,when he came down from bed one morning and asked me if I was feeling okay. It turned out he had a bad dream about me dying.
And I loved your sister, Sophie for being my great listener and for being a daughter I wish any mother could have. She was always there for me like a true friend. And then your little sister, Sara, for loving me and fussed over me like a child. She loved me like I am her other half.
But you, you were none of the above and yet I love you like there's no tomorrow.
Today, I am dedicating this writing just for you. Please sit back and read it to the end.
You have always placed me and your dad in a serious and at times difficult situation. We swallowed it in. Too many times you had crossed the line and we never refused you, we were there by your side. You made friends with wrong group of people and we were there to guide and advise you against it. You were always headstrong and had to have your way, we gave in.
Honey, it's time for you to grow up. In a few months time you'll be twenty two. It's time for you to listen to us for a change and be a better person. In the latest episode, again, you got yourself involved with some good-for-nothing kids and look what it did to you. Having you as my son was just like riding a roller coaster in my life. At times it was a straight forward and steady ride, and then without knowing it, you took us to a heart- stopping ride at a neck breaking speed. We didn't even have time to catch our breath.
Son, I love you and I will always will. But I am your mother. Mother will always love their children no matter what. You've hurt me countless times. You made me worry too much about the way you live your life. You're a free spirit and a go getter person. You thought nothing about the consequences that might come your way, but I do!
Beyond that tough facade you put on, nobody really knew you, again I do. I know you only too well. You told me things that no son would tell their siblings, let alone their mother. You always wanted my approval every time you thought you'd found the right girl. You would still kiss my forehead every time you are on your way out. You cracked lame jokes that made me laugh. Even while you were sleeping, you looked so vulnerable that I would gently stroke your hair.
You never raised your voice to me, not even once. You never complained about the food I prepared even though that doesn't match your taste bud.
I know you like the back of my hand. You looked tough but you are actually too naive and easily got deceived. You held out your hands to those who needed your help but these people would turn around and used you without second thought. Countless times you got into trouble helping these type of people but you never learn from any of it.
One habit of yours that I thoroughly despise was your promises. You never kept your promise. Son, you've got to learn to keep those promises even if you thought nothing of it. It matters to others. You've got to have some respect for yourself in order for others to respect you. Please do not waste any more of your life.
There's no word to describe the intense feeling of love I had for you. If only I could find a way to show you how much you meant to me, I would have done just that without hesitation or second thought.
I know when it comes to us, your family, you would protect us with all your might like a lioness protecting her cubs. You care about your sisters and your brother very much and you care for me and your dad tremendously. You have a heart of gold. You have got to know that!
I've weighed yet and again and I must say that your positive attitude overrides your negative vibes and weaknesses. All I am asking now is for you to start making a positive move for your future. Find friends that can truly be called a friend. Discard all the people that took you for granted and show them what you're made of.
Make me proud of you. All I care is that you find something that will make your life worthwhile. I don't care if you never be as successful as Mark Zuckerberg or as rich as the Sultan of Brunei. All I want is for you to have some passion in whatever your heart wants to do and be happy and content with it. You are my son and my blood runs within you. I am a survivor. If I can overcome all the ups and downs in my life, so can you. In fact you can be a better person than I am . I have great trust in you.
We had had a heart to heart talk before but this time I want it in writing so that you will always remember my words even after I am long gone.
I love you now and forever. Good night son and may Allah bless you throughout your life!
Take good care of yourself.
Love,
Mama
Rose
18th.February '14
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