Will The Cancer Strike Again

If anyone of us comes out from any type of cancer healed and cured, we're called survivors. We were called survivors because many of those who were diagnosed with this killer disease barely made it. As many of you, my loyal readers might have known, I was a cancer patient. Diagnosed in 2011 and had gone through the pain of chemotherapy and radiotherapy in 2012 I am now considered a survivor.

How good is my chance of living till the ripe old age? Only God knows. One thing I am certain of is, the cancer can strike again. Maybe not now but in a few years time, it may recur.I had many sleepless nights thinking will it be worse than the first time? Will I find out when it is still at an early stage or when it's too late?A scary thought but I'll live with it.  If it were to happen again, I truly hope not within these few years as I still have the trauma of going through the chemo process and the smell of hospital can still make me cringe. The other day, we were in the boat heading to Kuala Perlis, when I suddenly shivered at the thought of that specific hospital. I told Sara my tummy felt funny. She hugged me and asked me to play some games in her iPad! Cute gesture and it worked.

I used to be ashamed of my body and I refused to look in the mirror at myself. I'd cry secretly every time anyone mention about my removed breast. I'd sleep with my head busy thinking what's going to happen to my children if I were to die sooner than expected. Thank God I am back to my normal self now. I can even make fun of my body now.
 My husband never had any T-shirt on him whenever he's at home.Can't blame him. It's hot outside. It's worst for me since I am always sweating (courtesy from my chemo treatment and menopause). So, one day as I was sitting in the living room with that sweltering heat outside, I said to Sara, "You know what? Now that my body is a bit similar to your dad, at least one side, maybe I can be topless too. It won't make much difference, does it?" Sara gave me the look that said don't start that nonsense thought of yours again. I can't help but chuckled at her expression. Gone were the days when I'd feel humiliated if we were to wander into that kind of conversation. Now I speak freely and easy about it.

There were times when I felt blessed that I was diagnosed with only a breast cancer. Just a few days ago, I met my ex office colleague of whom I have not met for over five years. She is suffering from brain cancer or usually called brain tumour. Final stage that is stage 4. She is only 42. One look at her, nobody would have thought or imagine that she is suffering from that chronic disease.She looks good. I was close to tears when she told me her ordeal having to go through two surgeries to crack open her head and remove the 9cm tumour inside her head. Mind you, she had to go through this procedure twice (because of the recurrence) and the excruciating pain she had to go through was indescribable. She told me the moment she was conscious after the operations, she went berserk. She felt as if she was at a garage where there were lots of cars and the noise was unbearable. She screamed and throw things at doctors and nurses until she was calmed. Like me, she got used to it and made amend with herself. But unlike me, she is at stage 4, the final stage. I can only pray with all of my heart for the best for her.

Today, I am living the life of a normal person enjoying every chance I got, cherishing the beauty what life had to offer and take things easy.
This is my second life and I will treasure it while it lasts.

Have a great day everybody!

Lots of love,
Rose
6th.Mar '13