Using My Sickness To My Benefit

Sekali lagi salam untuk semua yang sudi membaca blog saya,

Saya baru saja balik dari Penang untuk rawatan susulan terakhir di sana. Lega selega-leganya. Kata doktor cantik tu, buat masa sekarang barah saya nampak dah sembuh. Tapi buat masa sekarang. Itu yang tak sedap dengar tu. Dia kata lagi, jangan terlalu fikirkan hal ini dan jangan runsing. Hemm..itulah yang saya buat sekarang, cuba happy selalu tapi benda-benda macam ni mana boleh kita nak letak ditepi ya dak?

Saya ni seorang yang ambik mudah sesuatu perkara. Selalunya saya tak terlalu memikirkan pasal penyakit saya ni. Kawan-kawan atau saudara mara yang jumpa saya kata saya nampak sihat, gembira dan boleh melawak lagi. Memang saya begitu. Saya tak mau terlalu serius dalam hidup. Ia akan merosakkan perspektif saya mengenai hidup ini. Saya dah set dalam minda saya akan teruskan hidup saya selagi Allah Ta'ala izinkan dengan hati yang terbuka. Risau terlebih pun bukannya boleh buat apa. Satu hari nanti kita akan pergi jua menemui dia. Duit berkarung pun tak boleh nak buat apa.

Saya ni kalau sedih sekejap saja. Nanti kalau ada sesuatu yang buat saya tergelak, saya okay lah balik. Semua benda saya jadikan bahan jenaka. Anda tau tak? Kadang2 saya gunakan penyakit saya untuk kepentingan diri. Teruskan membaca.. Ini terjadi tahun lepas sebelum doktor mengesahkan yang saya menghidap kanser. Saya baru balik dari hospital selepas temujanji dengan doktor pakar. Saya sorang masa tu. Anak-anak ke sekolah. Saya ni jenis yang memang tak suka pakai tali-pinggang keledar. Dah berpuluh kali anak2 perempuan saya marahkan saya sebab hal tu. Dan dah berkali juga saya ditahan dan disaman sebab tak pakai benda alah tu. Oh, dah melencong ke lain pulak saya. Okay, masa sedang memandu tu, saya teringat nak kena bayar bil-bil semasa lalu saya lajak terus ke bank di Kuah. Setelah selesai, saya masuk dalam kereta, terus pandu nak pergi bayar bil-bil tadi. Sebaik saya pusing saja ke kiri, saya nampak polis trafik sedang menggawang tangannya kearah saya memberi isyarat suruh saya berhenti ditepi.
Allah, saman lagi la nampaknya. Sekejap kemudian dia berjalan kearah saya. Dia bagi salam dan terus tanya," Cik tahu ke kenapa saya tahan ni?" Saya cakap, ya saya tahu, sebab tak pakai tali.
Dia kata lagi, kalau macam tu saya kena saman ni. Otak saya sedang laju memikirkan cara nak lepaskan diri.
Tiba-tiba saya teringat akan keadaan saya. Pegawai tu baru berpusing nak tulis saman. Cepat-cepat saya keluar dari kereta dan saya kata, "Encik, saya baru balik dari hospital tadi. Saya ni ada penyakit barah (time ni belum confirm pun lagi yang saya ada barah) Pegawai tu pandang saya antara nak percaya atau tidak. Kalau encik tak percaya saya boleh tunjukkan surat doctor. Dia pandang saya lagi, lepas tu dia kata, "Baiklah, saya takkan saman awak tapi saya ambil nombor kereta awak untuk rujukan". Saya tak tahu apa maksudnya dengan rujukan tapi say boleh tersenyum lebar sebab tak jadi di saman.

Tengahari tu bila semua ada dirumah, saya ceritakan hal tadi kepada mereka. Seperti biasa, Sara, tidak suka dengan apa yang saya dah buat. Dia kata, mama ni, benda macam ni pun ma nak buat main. Doctor belum sahkan lagi mama dah pandai2 buat kesimpulan sendiri.(Untuk pengetahuan semua, walaupun belum disahkan doctor waktu itu, saya dah dapat rasa yang ia adalah kanser)
Lagipun, saya dapat selamatkan 300 ringgit tu daripada bayar saman, dapat juga saya beli barang dapur untuk stok sebulan.
Sekarang ni baru saya tahu yang Sara takutkan dengan result yang kami semua belum tahu lagi. Dia mengharapkan yang ianya bukannya kanser. Yang saya pulak, bercakap dengan orang yang tak dikenali seolah-olah ia sesuatu yang biasa dibualkan.

Selepas tu ada satu lagi insiden. Ini saya lakukan sebab saya geram dengan sipemanggil ni. Cara percakapan dia tu macam nak tunjuk dia berkuasa sangat. Lebih kurang begini, "Puan Rosni. Ini saya dari .... Saya nak tau bila Puan boleh jelaskan ansuran puan yang tertunggak tu." Saya cakap tak tau lagi. Nanti bila ada duit saya cuba sikit-sikit dulu. Lepas tu dengan suara yang tegas dia sambung lagi, "Oh kami tak boleh terima sikit-sikit. Puan perlu membayar secara penuh." Secara penuh? Saya fikir sendirian. Mana nak cari duit nak bayar penuh. Mangkuk betul la dia ni. Ini dalam fikiran saya ya, saya tak kata kat dia mangkuk. " Puan, macam mana? Saya jawab, saya tak boleh nak bayar semua. Kalau sikit-sikit tu.. Belum habis saya cakap dia dah potong cakap saya. Dia kata tak boleh. Sambungnya lagi, kalau pun tak langsaikan dalam minggu ni, kami akan bawa puan dan ibu puan ke mahkamah. Mendengar dia sebut ibu saya, saya hampir tergelak kuat2. Macam mana la dia nak bawa ibu saya ke mahkamah. Mak saya dah meninggal lebih kurang setahun lalu. Semoga Rohnya dirahmati Allah.
"Macam mana Puan?" Saya dengar dia bersuara lagi. Saya jawab, "macam ni lah. Kalau awak nak bawa saya ke mahkamah, silakan.Tapi awak tinggalkan ibu saya sebab dia dah tak ada. Sikit hari lagi mungkin saya pulak menyusul. Dia terdiam sekejap. Selepas tu dia bertanya,"Apa maksud puan akan menyusul?" Saya kata, "saya ni pesakit barah, jadi saya tak tau hayat saya sampai bila. Jadi macam saya katakan tadi, kalau awak nak saman saya, samanlah saya sorang."

Saya agak terkejut bila dia cakap maafkan saya. Saya akan bercakap dengan orang atasan saya mengenai pembayaran balik puan. Kesian dia. Mungkin dia ingat dia dah keterlaluan dengan saya, sebenarnya tidak. Dia hanya menjalankan tugas. Cuma saya tak suka cara dia memulakan perbualan itu.

Jadi, itulah sedikit sebanyak apa yang saya lakukan didlam keadaan saya ini . Saya cuma nak tengok tindak balas atau reaction orang lain terhadap situasi semasa. Rasa lucu pun ada. Dari sini kita dapat melihat manusia dizaman mana sekalipun masih punya rasa belas kasihan dan kasih sayang sesama kita. Cuma di dalam dunia material sekarang ni, kita dah agak lupa untuk membuat kebaikan.

Okaylah. Dah tengahari pun. Nak keluar lunch kejap. Hari ni tak masak. Anak2 semua tak dak tinggal kami dua orang ja.

Selamat makan tengahari,
Rose
3rd.Oct '12
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Hi everyone,

Just got back from Penang for my final appointment with the oncologist. Huge relieves! The doctor told me that I am clean (from any suspicion of cancer recurrence) for the time being. For the time being? That doesn't sound promising. She told me not to worry about it and enjoy life. Well..that's what I am doing right now but that wouldn't and couldn't take my mind off the situation I am in.

I am easy with myself. I don't give much thought about this cancer thing. Friends told me that I look healthy and happy and funny. Yes,I am all of the above. I don't delve into things I don't like too deeply coz it will spoil the perspective I had on life. My perspective had been set that I will live my life come what may. My life was never a great one but I wouldn't have it any other way. Just like my looks. I love my crooked nose but then again,I wouldn't mind if I am a few shades lighter. Well,no one's perfect.

I take things easy. One moment I was down, the next I am up and about. You guys know something? I even use my sickness to manipulate to my advantage. Don't judge me yet. Read on , please.. It happened last year when I was about to be diagnosed. I was driving back from hospital after my scheduled appointment. Then I remembered that I had to pay some bills. So I headed straight to the bank. I am a person who never liked to put on the safety belt. The two girls were always upset with me because of this. I will give a thousand and one excuses just to not wearing it. Okay, right after the bank, I got back inside the car, started it and since I was alone , I drove off without putting the safety belt. Suddenly, what do you know, just right at the first turn, a traffic officer was waving his hand signalling me to stop aside. My mind was working frantically.( F.Y.I:- I was stopped and given tickets a couple of times because of this offence. Guess I never learnt my lesson)
He slowly walked towards me and asked  if I knew why did he stop me. I answered quietly, yes I know. I didn't put my seat belt on. He then went on. In that case I will have to write out a fine. At first I just nod my head, then it came to me. I got out from the car as he was about to write out the ticket and said, "Excuse me officer, I er, actually I just came from the hospital. I got cancer. My chest hurt if I were to put on the belt." My heart was pounding fast. Will he buy my story? He looked at me with the looks that said should I believe you. I quickly added, "I got  a letter inside my purse if you want to see it".
Then, he slowly push his pen inside his pocket and said to me, "ok, I will let you go but I will write down your car registration number for my reference." Whatever that is, I thank him quickly and slid inside my car with a big sigh.

That afternoon, I told the story to my family and as usual, Sara was upset with me. Why do you have to do that? You don't even know if it's really cancer (that was then). I did that because it saved me 300.00 ringgit. I could stock up my kitchen for at least a month stock. Don't you think it's wise? Now I knew why she was angry. She was afraid of the unknown. She was hoping against all hopes that it wasn't cancer and I, selfish of me,was using it as if I am sharing some weather news with a friend.

There was another incident. I was a few months late of paying car installment. One day a guy called. With a formal voice he starts, "Madam Rosni, you are a few months late with your installment. When can you make the payment in full?" In full? That will be a lot. I said I don't know. Maybe after I got some money, I will. He was persistent and not happy with my answer. Is so and so your mother? He read out my mother's name. I said yes. "Okay.. if you didn't pay within this week, we will have to issue a letter to you and your mother to appear in court. I was chuckling to myself on the other side of the line. They were to bring my mom to court?  How could she go? She had passed away a year ago but I didn't tell the guy. He went on, "so what's your option? With full seriousness, I said, go ahead. Sue me, bring me to court except that you can't bring my mother along as she has been dead already. I will follow suit maybe not too long from now. The line was quiet for a while. I thought he hung up, then he went on, what do you mean that you won't be long? I  chuckled again. I said, I mean I might die in a month or two coz I got cancer. I didn't pay you accordingly because of this. If you need to sue me, please go ahead as I can't pay you the full amount you want me to.
To my surprise he mumbled a " I am sorry to hear that. I'll talk to my superior." Poor fellow. He must have thought that he might have been too hard on me. He wasn't. He was just doing his job.

So, there. It was kind of funny that I am using my sickness to my advantage but I wasn't lying either. I just wanted to see the reaction from people around. It shows that people still care about others.

Okay, need my beauty sleep now. It's 10:30pm. Yeap, I sleep early and rise early. Keep me energize. Can't afford to lose my sleep or I'll be cranky the whole day. Good nite everyone!

** P/S : Hey guys, would appreciate if any one of you would leave some kind of comments. Let me know what I need to do to improve my blog or about the chosen topic. Anything..

Rose
2th.Oct '12