Hello again!
Feeling alarmed with the next coming birthday? How old would you be? Are you turning 45? 55? 65? Why are you having that thought? Are you afraid of growing old or that your spouse might find a new partner or that he or she passed away and you were left all alone in that house full of memories together?
That thought crossed my mind numerous times. Sophie had insisted for me to live with her even after she's married with children of her own. So did Sara. And I have always told them I'd rather live on my own together with my husband.
Before we go any further of whether to live or not to live with any of my children, let me share a tradition practiced by most Malaysians and Asians for that matter. Most of us (especially the Muslims) were brought up to love and care for their parents until the day they died. It is one of the big sins to neglect any one of our parent. We must respect and love them unconditionally, no matter how bad they were towards us. This was in the Quran and all good Muslims must abide by it.
So, it has become some sort of tradition, that in a family (let's say a family of four), one of the children would normally live with their parents even after they were married just to be certain that their parents well being and welfare were taken care of. Even if the children chose not to live with the parents, they would at least live in a place that doesn't take long to reach home.
That is why, if any of you were to visit a Malay house or Chinese or Indian or Asians in this matter, you'd be surprised to see a few generations lived together under one roof. For the Europeans or the Westerners, you might find this sort of situation shocking but believe me, it is a norm here.
Now that you get a little acquainted with Asians custom, let's look at my predicament. I am a free spirited woman, please look at it in a good way. Don't any of you dare to imagine me running around naked along the beach (that is free spirited too). Why, with my mastectomy? God forbid.
I love being on my own, doing my own things, taking things at my own pace and being alone. If I were to live with any one of them (Ariff, Soffian, Sophie or Sara), will I still have the freedom that I truly cherish?
What if any one of them say things unintentionally that hurt my pride and feelings, where would I go? How would I react? The place that I am staying at that time isn't my home anymore, I am taking a ride on my children.
And by living with them, I may take some harmless innocent gesture or words meant for their spouse or children differently. Words of anger or full of sarcasm could throw me into despair for days without taking into account that it wasn't meant for me. I am a very very sensitive person, at times overly sensitive, so I doubt it very much that it was a good idea for me to live with any one of them.
Just a few days ago, while inside the car sending Sophie to her work place, we got to speak about this topic again. The conversation turned a little intense with Sophie strongly wanted me to live with her (even though she doesn't even have a boyfriend yet). We compromised. I agreed to live with her on one condition. I want my own entrance and my own kitchen. She can put up a connecting door for us to commute regularly if she wanted to. Even though agreed, I still have my doubts. Oh, in case you guys are confuse, I am talking about the future!
I still like my idea better. I'd like to live on my own with a little yard to grow some herbs and vegetables. It should be quiet, no traffic, no air pollution and not too many people.
If, one day I succumbed to any kind of sickness that left me immobilized, I'd rather the children find me either a private nurse to tend to me or send me to a retirement home (hope they're rich by then). It would be unfair for me to expect a total concentration for them to nurse me whilst they have their own career to concern about and lives to juggle on.
We even had a chat as to what should be done in case I was left with nothing but a life support to hang on. If I had a choice, I'd rather my children give their consent for the doctors to pull out the support system. I would never wanted my children to see me rotting on a hospital bed doing nothing but with a weak breathing. The only thing that stopped me from seeing that thought realized is because I am a Muslim and Islam forbid suicide.
So, what about you guys? Have you give a serious thought about this? Let's take a few things for us to ponder on :
1) You've lost your spouse and currently living on your own. You have reached your golden years and therefore hard for you to find a job. To top it off, you have no income on your own except for your monthly pension plan. What would you do?
2) After some time, living on your own depressed you more than you can imagine. Would you take the offer from any one of your children and go live with them?
3) Can you still keep the same closeness or attachment that you once shared with your children even after they were married. Would you feel left out seeing them laughing happily with their own family?
4) Would you rather they come back and live with you?
5) Or would you rather be depressed and lonely yet comfortable at your home than having to live with your children in their beautiful homes?
Whatever your answers are, you know what you are doing. So be happy with it and like we always hear, live your life to the fullest. We don't have much time left, so why the long face? Keep smiling people!
Have a beautiful day and be generous with your smile. I promise you, it will make your day!
Warmest love,
Rose
25th.January '15
No comments:
Post a Comment