An Open Letter To My Son, Soffian

Dearest my precious son, Soffian,

I have been missing you too much since the day your sisters and I moved to Selangor earlier last month.  Between the four of you, I had to give an extra attention to you since the day you were born.

I am writing you this open letter today so that you'd know beyond doubt that you will always be in my heart, no matter what. It was never an easy job bringing you up but I still love you the same. I had never favoured any one of you more than the other. Sure, I loved your big brother more for his gentleness and for his concern of me,when he came down from bed one morning and asked me if I was feeling okay. It turned out he had a bad dream about me dying.
And I loved your sister, Sophie for being my great listener and for being a daughter I wish any mother could have. She was always there for me like a true friend. And then your little sister, Sara, for loving me and fussed over me like a child. She loved me like I am her other half.
But you, you were none of the above and yet I love you like there's no tomorrow.

Today, I am dedicating this writing just for you. Please sit back and read it to the end.
You have always placed me and your dad in a serious and at times difficult situation. We swallowed it in. Too many times you had crossed the line and we never refused you, we were there by your side. You made friends with wrong group of people and we were there to guide and advise you against it. You were always headstrong and had to have your way, we gave in.

Honey, it's time for you to grow up. In a few months time you'll be twenty two. It's time for you to listen to us for a change and be a better person. In the latest episode, again, you got yourself involved with some good-for-nothing kids and look what it did to you. Having you as my son was just like riding a roller coaster in my life. At times it was a straight forward and steady ride, and then without knowing it, you took us to a heart- stopping ride at a neck breaking speed. We didn't even have time to catch our breath.

Son, I love you and I will always will. But I am your mother. Mother will always love their children no matter what. You've hurt me countless times. You made me worry too much about the way you live your life. You're a free spirit and a go getter person. You thought nothing about the consequences that might come your way, but I do!
Beyond that tough facade you put on, nobody really knew you, again I do. I know you only too well. You told me things that no son would tell their siblings, let alone their mother. You always wanted my approval every time you thought you'd found the right girl. You would still kiss my forehead every time you are on your way out. You cracked lame jokes that made me laugh. Even while you were sleeping, you looked so vulnerable that I would gently stroke your hair.
You never raised your voice to me, not even once. You never complained about the food I prepared even though that doesn't match your taste bud.

I know you like the back of my hand. You looked tough but you are actually too naive and easily got deceived. You held out your hands to those who needed your help but these people would turn around and used you without second thought. Countless times you got into trouble helping these type of people but you never learn from any of it.
One habit of yours that I thoroughly despise was your promises. You never kept your promise. Son, you've got to learn to keep those promises even if you thought nothing of it. It matters to others. You've got to have some respect for yourself in order for others to respect you. Please do not waste any more of your life.

There's no word to describe the intense feeling of love I had for you. If only I could find a way to show you how much you meant to me, I would have done just that without hesitation or second thought.
I know when it comes to us, your family, you would protect us with all your might like a lioness protecting her cubs. You care about your sisters and your brother very much and  you care for me and your dad tremendously. You have a heart of gold. You have got to know that!

I've weighed yet and again and I must say that your positive attitude overrides your negative vibes and weaknesses. All I am asking now is for you to start making a positive move for your future. Find friends that can truly be called a friend. Discard all the people that took you for granted and show them what you're made of.

Make me proud of you. All I care is that you find something that will make your life worthwhile. I don't care if you never be as successful as Mark Zuckerberg or as rich as the Sultan of Brunei. All I want is for you to have some passion in whatever your heart wants to do and be happy and content with it. You are my son and my blood runs within you. I am a survivor. If I can overcome all the ups and downs in my life, so can you. In fact you can be a better person than I am . I have great trust in you.

We had had a heart to heart talk before but this time I want it in writing so that you will always remember my words even after I am long gone.
I love you now and forever. Good night son and may Allah bless you throughout your life!
Take good care of yourself.

Love,
Mama

Rose
18th.February '14

Mee Kuah Mudah

Salam semua,

Minggu lepas saya masak mee kuah yang sangat simple dan sedap di makan. Resipi macam ni senang nak di masak sebab bahan-bahannya sentiasa ada di rumah kita. Jadi kalau ada tetamu yang datang secara tiba-tiba, bolehlah kita sediakan dengan cepat.

Jom kita mulakan dengan bahan-bahannya :

1 kilo mee kuning (di celur dan di toskan dulu)
2 ketul isi ayam yang dipotong nipis
7 ekor udang atau lebih (sederhana besar dibuang kulit dan kepalanya dan direbus dgn sedikit air)
2 cawan air kosong dan 1 cawan air rebusan udang
2 ketul tauhu (digoreng dan di potong dadu utk hiasan)
2 cili merah di potong bulat (utk hiasan)
sedikit daun sawi dan setengah batang karot di potong bulat
3 ulas bwg merah/ 2 ulas bwg putih di mayang
3 sudu makan cili kisar
1 sudu teh sos ikan
1 sudu makan cuka
1 sudu makan sos tiram
4 sudu makan sos cili maggi
1 biji telur

Sekarang kita mula masak :

Tumis bwg putih dan bawang merah sampai layu.

Masukkan cili kisar, kemudian ayam yang di cincang kecil dan masak sebentar.
Sekarang tuang masuk air rebusan udang dan air kosong dan biarkan sehingga mendidih.
Kini, boleh dimasukkan semua perasa seperti, sos, ikan, sos tiram, sos tomato dan cuka dan juga karot.
Cuba rasa dulu, kalau kurang masin, baru ditambah dengan sedikit garam.

Bila semua perasa dah sebati, baru di pecahkan telur kedalam dan kacau perlahan supaya tidak terlalu hancur.

Terakhir baru kita masukkan udang yang direbus tadi bersama dengan sayur sawi. Ini supaya kedua-duanya tidak terlebih masak dan hilang manis aslinya.

Ambil mee yang dah dicelur dan di toskan tadi dan masukkan kedalam mangkuk. Sekarang tuang masuk kuah yang dah siap kedalamnya. Hiaskan dengan potongan cili merah, tauhu goreng ataupun bawang goreng. Dah siap umtuk dimakan.
Senang kan cara penyediannya?

Masa penyediaan : 20 minit / Masa memasak : 7 minit

Anggaran kos :
Mee kuning           : RM 1.40
Ayam dan udang   : RM 3.00
Sayur                    : RM 1.50
Lain-lain               : RM  2.00

Jumlah                  : RM 7.90 untuk 4 ~ 5 orang

Rose
10th.February '14

Sa Hor Fun

Salam semua,

Sa Hor Fun, makanan kegemaran masyarakat Cina di negara kita. Saya sendiri sangat sukakan makanan ni. Sangat mudah nak buatnya. Macam nak goreng koay teow juga.

Ikutkan kita perlukan sejenis koay teow yang lebih lebar kepingan nya tapi saya tak jumpa. Lagipun kalau jumpa, mugkin pulak saya was-was nak guna. Jadi cara terbaik, kita gunakan koay teow saja.

Anyway, jom kita cuba buat :

1 kilo koay teow
1 biji telur
Setengah cawan stok ayam
2 cawan air kosong (kalau sukakan kuah lebih, boleh dilebihkan air, begitu juga sebaliknya)
6 ekor (atau lebih) udang yang dibuang kulit
2 ketul ayam yang dipotong nipis
2 sudu besar kicap cair masin
1 sudu besar kicap manis
2 sudu besar sos tiram
1 sudu besar tepung jagung dicampur dan digaul dalam suku cawan air
sikit lada putih
sikit garam
4 ulas bwg putih dirincik kecil (separuh untuk digoreng kilas dengan koay teow dan separuh utk kuah)
2 ketul tauhu (ikut selera nak goreng sikit dulu ataupun nak masak terus secara mentah)
3 pokok sayur bak choy
Separuh lobak merah dipotong bulat

Antara bahan yang diperlukan

Mula mula tumis separuh dari bwg putih yg dirincik tadi. Bila dah agak kekuningan, masukkan koay teow dengan sedikit kicap manis dan goreng kilas didalam minyak tersebut.

Kacau rata, angkat dan ketepikan dulu.

Tumis separuh lagi bawang putih di dalam minyak yang sama.
Masukkan ayam dan tau hu dan goreng sebentar.

Sekarang tuangkan air dan juga stok ayam dan kacau lagi. Kemudian, masukkan kicap cair, sos tiram, lada dan sedikit garam.

Bila dah mendidih, masukkan pula sayur-sayur
Sekarang masukkan udang. (Saya letak udang hampir akhir sebab udang cepat masak)
Masukkan pula campuran tepung jagung dan kacau rata. Sos akan mula mengental.

Terakhir masukkan telur dan kacau supaya telur hancur .

Sediakan koay tewo yang digoreng kilas tadi didalam pinggan. Sekarang ambil kuah yang kita masak tadi dan tuangkan keatas koay teow tadi.

Inilah dia Sa Hor Fun versi saya. Sangat mudah dan sangat sedap.

Masa penyediaan : 10 minit / Masa memasak 7 minit

Anggaran kos :
Koay Teow
Telur                 : RM 0.40
Sayur                : RM 3.00
Udang/Ayam     : RM 3.00
Lain-lain            : RM 2.00

Jumlah              : RM 8.40 untuk 4 orang

Rose
6th.Feb '14

The Sentimental Me

Sentimental? Me? Hemm..that's something to talk about. I know of people who'd carry photos of their loved ones in their wallets or placed their children or wives photos on their desks at their respective offices.
Me? As far as I remember, I had never done any of those. I mean, almost each and everybody I know would show some way of connection or affection for their families by carrying photos in the wallet and I guess that's the least I should do.

But I was never a sentimental person. I loved my family more than my life and that's it. I showed affection to them physically and verbally and I think we are good.
But there were times when I can't shake off that feeling that I should be more sentimental over some old nostalgic stuffs that I left around  the house  unattended.

The other day I was going through some old photos and I found one when I was one year old. My eyes flooded because that's the only thing that can link me to my baby days. Other than that I have nothing. And what makes the photo even more valuable was that, my dad's handwriting was on the back of the photo.

This is me fifty years ago

My poor four children. I never kept any of their baby clothes,or videos of their first steps or their favourite stuffed toys. Once I do the spring cleaning, every single old item that I thought of no significance were thrown away. Sara was once attached to her baby blue Doraemon ragged doll. She slept with it, fed the little doll and drank her milk with that doll in her arm. She wouldn't and couldn't go to sleep without it. She had it for a couple of years, I think (most probably when she was 2 ~ 4 years old) The doll had gotten rotten in her arms, stink and dirty and it was sheer ugly. I tried many ways weaning her from that unsightly thing without success. One day, when I simply can't stand the sight of that doll anymore, I took the doll and tore a little at it's mouth and left it on the floor.
The moment she woke up, she went to look for her doll and found it lying on the floor with the mouth torn. She cried in that sorrowful voice that it broke my heart terribly. But I had to do it. It's unhygienic. I cuddled her and made up a story that since the doll never brushed her teeth and hands, the worms had eaten them. Look at her mouth and fingers, I said to her, it's gone. It took her weeks to get used not having her favourite doll around even though I had replaced it with a new one.

Sophie too had something, a fluffy little pillow. A dark blue velvety pillow. She would rub the little pillow before she finally fell asleep. If one were to take one look at it, one would say, it's high time for the pillow to be kept away.
I threw it away without second thought. I should have washed and wrapped it nicely as something memorable for her. She too had cried her heart out when she couldn't find it anywhere. It was one of the worse feelings I've had in years but someone had to be the bad guy in order to wean them from their unsightly stuffed pillow and doll.

At home, I never kept any old stuff such as old sewing machine or my old maternity dress or the girls dainty shoes when they were little. I find it messy and kind of creepy looking at old things lying around the house. I don't even like antics. Save me lots of money to buy those creaky old furnitures!

But lately I am having kind of melancholic feelings towards old things and old time. I had a little regret for not saving some of the old photos, the little school uniform when they first started their elementary school, the first red bicycle we bought for my first son, Ariff for him to cycle to school. The first car we purchased after seven years of marriage(I can't even remember the plate number).

I promised myself, this time around if any of my children were to be married, I want them to be a little more sentimental than I do. No harm done in doing so.

I am penning off for now. The time shows it's 22:40hrs now. My pillow is calling.
Good night everybody. Have a good sleep and sleep well.

Rose
5th.February '14