Hello all,
Today is Sunday the 26th. It's weekend but I refused to do anything outside home and I refused to drag my butt out from home, at least for yesterday and today. I am beat and overly exhausted. It had been a chaotic weeks for me and the family.
Ismail, my husband had a fever a couple of weeks ago. At first we thought it was just one of those fever. He came home one evening and said his body ached all over. He took a serious turn the next day that I decided to take him see a doctor. Doctor later confirmed that he had a dengue fever. For my readers abroad, you may not know of this fever but in Malaysia it is considered one of those, at times, fatal fever. It could lead to death if not properly treated.
Since Sophie has started working, that leave me alone to run around back and forth from sending Sophie for work and frequenting hospital for my husband admission and treatment.
As if that's not enough, my car had to show her tantrum on that very day. The day I was driving my husband to the clinic to ascertain his type of fever. All of a sudden, the meter on the dashboard showed the car temperature had reached boiling point. What the ....? I really was trying to keep my cool but I don't know for how long. What make me sick to the stomach was that, just a week prior to this I had the same exact problem. Sophie and I was stranded at one of the busiest road in the city and we had to call my niece for her help to take us to the nearest garage. That guy charged us RM280.00 saying he had changed my motor fan.
Less than a week, the same brand new motor fan stopped fanning and the car temperature rose to boiling point. He robbed me in a broad day light!
Both Sophie and I were running around like there was no tomorrow. Poor Sophie! She too had to juggle between working, taking care both me and my husband and preparing for her graduation day which fell on the 17th.October, whereby my husband was still being admitted at the general hospital.
It was supposed to be D-Day for her yet here we are praying for my husband speedy recovery and hoping for the best.
Not wanting to giving in to this unfortunate situation, I assured Sophie I will be there with her on her graduation day.So, there I was at her college, sitting in the auditorium amongst elated parents cheering for their kids. I promised myself, I will not cry, I will not cry, I am a big girl now. This is a happy day for us. Well, me being me, I cried all the same. Just listening to the M.C calling out her name, made me sobbed. Mothers!
While my husband was being treated in the hospital, I fell sick at the same time. I was down with fever too. We were all worried that I got the dengue fever too. Thank God it was just a fever. Still, my body was weak and I was dragging and forcing myself to run around home and hospital.
What I did was, after sending Sophie to work, I came home and fell asleep until noon. I woke up not feeling any better but still had to head to the hospital and check up on my husband. The hospital parking..urghhh.. what can I say, it's a war zone. And since my car was still under repair, again I borrowed the Prado jeep from my sister to run around. Imagine that type of vehicle making rounds around the narrow lane to find a parking spot. I was near to tears but I managed to find one parking bay outside the hospital compound.
My husband condition was quite worrying at that time. I called up all my three other children updating them on their dad's conditions. Soffian got a one week leave. So did Sara, she got a green light to leave the college for a few days. All except for Ariff was home. He had just started at a new place so he couldn't apply for leave.
Whatever it is, I was glad we all made it brilliantly. My husband has been discharged and he is recuperating well. Soffian has gone back to Langkawi and so did Sara, she's gone back to her college. The house is back to it's usual quietness.
I sat alone at home surrounded by this quietness and I thought to myself. What if one day, when I am old and the children have each their own family to attend to, I got sick suddenly. What would I do? Will I call them? Will I want them them to visit me or will I be driving myself to the hospital? This is because I am a very independent person. I'd do anything and everything on my own. I hated the thought people taking pity on me.
I felt ashamed if I needed to ask for an assistance from anybody even though they're my own children.
The last time when I had to undergo the mastectomy, I told my husband and children, "Do not see me after the surgery. I don't want any of you to see me in that condition."
You think they'd listen? Each and everyone of them were there waiting for me to gain consciousness. So much for privacy!
That is me. Too stubborn for my own good and overly independent. I hoped and I prayed that I will never again had to spend another day in a hospital. I mean, hospital these days had improved tremendously both in their services and facilities.
Even though the hospital has improved, I still wouldn't want to spend a night there. I've been in and out hospitals to last me a life time. (As usual, I am exaggerating but I mean it)
The doctors and nurses were superb too.
Many times we heard complaints being filed against the doctors and nurses. Looking through my perspective, I'd say most of it comes from us. If we ourselves were always unhappy with everything, rude towards others and finding fault with everything, how could we expect better thing from others?
I gave one example at the hospital where my husband was being admitted the other day. There was this old man, probably in his mid sixties. Two young doctors were attending to him and they were poking his arm to extract some blood for blood sampling. When they couldn't find the right vein, they poked at another place. He was unhappy with what they were doing and started raising his voice saying, That's too much, that's too much."
I mean why was he upset? You're a man, for God's sake. Just a little poking wouldn't kill you.
I thought to myself, what if he were to go through what I had been through during my chemotheraphy treatment back then. Doctors were poking my vein numerous times to find the right vein and at times blood gushed out unstoppable. Watching him that day, I'd say there's a possibility that the doctors could be kicked by him.
Two beds away from my husband, there was another old man. I don't know what his sickness were but this is a typical dirty old man. He was wearing a hospital green garb sarong. Every time any young nurse attended him, he would slid up the sarong to flash his thing. We got a flasher right in the hospital. But the young nurses were professionals. They'd told him off quietly. He didn't like it but had no other choice but to cover himself back.
From what I see, we the patients should know where we stand. Do not expect too much from the over-crowded government hospital. We only pay RM1.00 (equivalent to USD 0.30cent) each time we visit. In my husband case, he was there for two nights, being attended by numerous doctors and nurses day in day out and three time rides in an ambulance. Full three meals daily. Not mentioning the drips and medication given.
To sum it up, I'd say, we paid RM1.00 for a five star service from the hospital staff.
These people were doing the best they can. But we cannot expect them to always be perfect in our eyes, as they are only human. Just like us, they have their ups and downs.
Thank you to all doctors, nurses and all hospital staff (especially Ward 7) for being there for us. I don't know if I can do the same if I were to be in you guys shoes. I don't think I have what it takes to be in that position.
Good nite all and sweet dreams! May tomorrow be a better day than today.
Rose
26th.October '14
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Assalamualaikum semua,
Hari ni Sabtu 25hb.Oktober '14. Saya tak kemana hari ni. Badan dah teramat letih sangat sebab terlalu sibuk dengan bermacam-macam hal dalam masa dua minggu ni.
Mana taknya, suami saya yang pada mulanya kami sangkakan demam biasa rupanya kena demam denggi. Nak di jadikan hal, kereta saya pun meragam time ni jugak. Temperature naik sampai ke tahap boiling point, padahal baru tukar motor fan sebab masalah temperature tu. Yang lebih sakit hati tu, motor fan yang kononnya baru di tukar tu, tidak berfungsi. Rupanya saya ditipu hidup-hidup oleh kedai Cina kat Kota Damansara tu. Siap dalam resit dia tulis no warranty.
Saya dan Sophie menjadi sangat sibuk dengan semua yang berlaku ditambah pulak hari konvokesyen-nya jatuh pada hari Jumaat 17hb, dimana suami saya masih di rawat di Hospital Sungai Buloh.
Kesian Sophie, pada hari yang sepatutnya menjadi hari kebanggaan kami sekeluarga, kami di timpa musibah yang agak mencemaskan. Walaupun begitu, saya tetap menghadirkan diri memberi sokongan moral kepada Sophie pada hari konvokesyennya itu. Saya telah berjanji pada diri sendiri tidak akan menangis apabila namanya dipanggil nanti. Ehmm..namanya pun ibu, benda sedih kita menangis, benda susah kita menangis, benda yang baik pun kita menangis.. Saya menangis sebab bangga dengan dia. Saya sangat bangga mendapat anak-anak seperti mereka.
Semasa suami di rawat, saya pula jatuh demam pada masa yang sama. Badan rasa macam tak berdaya nak bergerak lagi dah. Mana dengan Sophie bekerja, dengan suami sakit, terakhir saya pun nak jatuh sakit pada masa yang sama.
Apa yang saya buat, selepas saya hantar Sophie pergi kerja, saya balik kerumah dan tidur sekejap. Lepas tengahari baru saya bangun dan pandu menuju ke hospital pulak. Ni lagi satu hal, nak cari parking kat Hospital Sungai Buloh macam nak pergi berperang. Pulak tu, disebabkan kereta saya rosak, lagi sekali saya pinjam jeep kakak saya, jeep Prado tu. Paham sajalah bawa jeep besar gedabak macam tu. Rasa nak menangis pun ada, bukannya apa tapi disebabkan demam, badan saya sakit-sakit dan lemah, jadi semua perasaan bercampur aduk. Tau saya dapat parking kat mana? Tepi susur masuk ke highway Plus. Mau nya tak kebah demam saya!
Keadaan suami agak serius pada satu waktu tu. Saya telefon anak-anak update keadaan abah dia orang. Soffian cakap dia dapat ambil cuti selama seminggu. Alhamdulillah, right timing. Sara cakap dia dah minta dengan pihak kolej untuk balik dan dah dibenarkan. Yang tinggal cuma anak sulung saya, Ariff. Hanya dia yang tak dapat balik disebabkan baru mula bekerja ditempat baru.
Apapun, saya bersyukur kami dapat melalui semuanya dengan selamat. Dan sekarang suami dah pun dibenarkan pulang. Soffian pun dah balik ke Langkawi, juga Sara dah balik ke Kuala Pilah. Rumah kembali sunyi dengan hanya kami bertiga di rumah.
Bila dah sunyi begini, saya terfikir sendirian. Macam mana satu hari kelak, bila saya dah tua dan anak-anak semua punya keluarga sendiri, tiba-tiba saya jatuh sakit. Apakah saya akan menelefon dia orang untuk datang dan melawat saya atau saya sendiri yang akan memandu ke hospital? Sebabnya saya seorang yang terlalu independent. Semua kerja saya lakukan sendiri dan saya jenis yang tak suka orang kesiankan saya. Saya rasa malu sekiranya saya memerlukan dan mengharapkan orang lain untuk membantu saya walaupun anak-anak sendiri. Anak-anak sangat arif dengan perangai saya yang satu ni.
Dulu pun semasa saya menghidap barah payudara, saya pesan dengan anak-anak dan suami, "semua boleh balik dulu. Jangan tunggu ma keluar dari bilik bedah, ma tak mau semua orang tengok ma dalam keadaan yang tak berdaya macam tu." Agak-agak dia orang dengar tak cakap saya? Tak adanya..semua tercatuk menunggu saya ditolak masuk ke wad. Nasib baik saya masih tidak sedarkan diri.
Tapi sebaik saja saya sedar, saya minta anak-anak lapkan badan dan sikatkan rambut saya supaya nampak lebih presentable, walaupun masih dalam keadaan yang amat lemah dan sakit.
Itulah saya. Sangat degil dan terlebih independent. Saya harap dan berdoa yang saya tak akan pernah lagi dimasukkan ke hospital. Walaupun keadaan didalam hospital sekarang banyak berbeza daripada dahulu, saya masih tidak suka tinggal di hospital. Dah berpuluh kali saya keluar masuk hospital dan saya kerap memerhati tatakerja doktor-doktor yang bertugas disana. Sepanjang saya berumah di hospital-hospital ini, baik semasa di Langkawi, di Arau Perlis, di Pulau Pinag dan sekarang di Sungai Buloh, saya sangat terkesan dengan cara doktor-doktor ini bekerja.
Selalu kita dengar orang ramai membuat aduan yang doktor-doktor ni semua teruk. Pada pandangan saya, ini mungkin datang dari sikap kita sendiri. Kalau kita sendiri bersifat kurang manis, agak kurang ajar dan selalu marah-marah, macam mana kita nak harapkan orang lain bersifat baik dengan kita.
Saya ambil contoh di hospital Sungai Buloh baru-baru ni, katil yang berdepan dengan katil suami saya, ada satu lelaki tua ni, umur mungkin dalam pertengahan enam puluhan begitu. Dua orang doktor datang merawat dia dan mereka terpaksa mengambil sampel darah. Dah namanya pun sampel darah, dah tentu-tentu kena pakai jarum. Dan bila urat tak dapat dikesan, doktor-doktor ini harus mencuba dua tiga tempat sebelum dapat mengambil darah. Pak Cik ni dah naik angin, saya dengar dia jerit kat doktor tu, "Ahh..ni dah melampau ni, ni dah melampau ni..."
Kenapa dia nak marah dan jerit macam tu. Awak tu orang lelaki, tak kan sakit sikit macam tu dah tak tahan. Saya yang dengar pun rasa nak marah. Saya terfikir sendirian, kalau dia kena macam saya dulu semasa nak buat kemoterapi, terpaksa cucuk beberapa kali sampai memancut darah disebabkan silap urat, ada kemungkinan disepaknya doktor-doktor di depan dia.
Selang dua katil disebelah kiri suami saya, ada satu uncle tua ni, jenis miang tak ingat diri. Awak tu dah sakit, tua pulak tu, buat la cara sakit. Ini tak, kain sarung hijau kepunyaan hospital yang dipakainya tu, sengaja di selak biar nampak anu dia. Dia buat macam tu bila nurse-nurse muda datang untuk merawat. Mula nya suami dah bagi tau perangai dia tapi saya tak sempat tengok, kali yang kedua baru saya perasaan. Bila nurse tegur suruh tutupkan kain dia, dia melenting. Macam tu pulak!
Dari apa yang saya nampak, kita iaitu pesakit lah yang lebih mengada-ngada daripada doktor atau jururawat itu sendiri. Kita tak payah tengok jauh lah. Kita mulakan dengan rumah kita dulu. Anak kita empat orang, setiap sorang balik rumah dengan fi'il dan perangai masing-masing. Sorang marah sebab bajunya hilang, sorang lagi merajuk tak nak makan sebab lauk tak kena dengan selera dia, sorang lagi mood tak elok sebab datang bulan dan sorang lagi marah sebab kena denda di sekolah. Kita yang tak tahu menahu apa-apa yang jadi mangsa. Kadang-kadang kita pun ada tempoh naik turun juga kan? Sama juga lah seperti mana para doktor dan jururawat ini rasa. Kita tak bolehlah nak harap servis yang tip top sepanjang masa daripada mereka-mereka ni. Cukup kalau kita ikut apa yang mereka tetapkan semasa kita dibawah pengawasan mereka. Ataupun kalau kita nak tegur, tegur lah dengan cara yang lembut dan sopan.
Itu yang saya lakukan semasa saya dirawat di mana-mana hospital. Dan Alhamdullilah, hampir kesemua doktor dan jururawat sangat menyenangkan hati saya semasa dan selepas menerima rawatan.
Sebelum semua ni, saya dah ada appointment untuk mamogram dan ultrasound di hospital Sungai Buloh ni. Sekali lagi, dari kerani kaunter nombor, ke jururawat bertugas, sehingga ke doktor yang memeriksa saya, semua mereka bertugas dengan penuh dedikasi beserta senyuman yang ikhlas. Kalau saya ditempat mereka, belum tentu saya akan dapat melayan orang ramai yang datang yang memerlukan rawatan dengan wajah yang manis. Dengan hanya RM1, suami saya mendapat rawatan kelas pertama.
Terima kasih kepada semua doktor dan jururawat yang bertugas di Wad 7 Hospital Sungai Buloh, dan kepada semua doktor dan jururawat dimana saja anda berada. You people are the best!
Salam dari saya,
Rose
25th.October '14
